Dear Men, Don't Go Easy On Us

Dear men,

Please do not go light on women when playing physical sports. When women decide to play a physical sport, like basketball and Taekwondo, with a man we know what to expect. We expect that men compete with us how they would with other men. I have seen men treading lightly when competing against women. Going easy on us doesn't allow for us to learn new techniques and doesn't allow for us to push ourselves to the next level. 

In a real-life situation I am most likely going to need to defend myself against a man. I won't be prepared if you train lighter on me.  Don't worry. I won't cry and I won't complain. I won't say you can't hit a girl. I will take it the hits and pain because I asked for it when I signed up to train with you.

The other day, I asked a male partner in class to give me a kidney shot. I wanted to feel it and see if I could take it. Without any warning he jabbed me. I didn't expect it so I flinched in a pain a bit and then we both laughed. I could tell he gave it something, but he didn't give me everything he had. He simply said, "I can't do it." I didn't have the chance to ask him why.

Men feel comfortable being rough with other men and have learned not to with women. These are values you were brought up with by your parents, family and teachers. I understand, my brother and I would wrestle when we were children, but he wasn't allow to play too rough with me or pull my hair. However, if he wrestled another boy he could go as rough as he wanted to. That was "good for him", but never with a girl.

The other day in class my Master said if there were only men in this class there would be a war. Having both men and women in this class we learn to go hard, but we also learn our boundaries. He commended men for pushing some of us women and motivating us. I appreciated his comments. When my Master asks us how many push-ups within a set we want to do many of the women in my class will shy away and say 20-25, while the men might say they want 30-50 push-ups each set. We do three sets. I always do what the men do.

I was non-contact sparring against a man and I could tell right away he did not want to spar with me. I had just finished watching him spar with another man and they were both intensely sparring. In this activity, instead of full-contact sparring, we have to touch shoulders and knees for a point. I could tell he was going light, trying not to evade my space too much. He was just bouncing up and down and took light attempts to hit my shoulder. I got mad and turned it on and started quickly hitting his shoulder and knees, it took him a few seconds to finally turn it on and give me what I was looking for. I need someone to push me, but I needed to push him and show him that I wanted a challenge. His challenge was not to be beat by a girl and my challenge was for him to treat me equal.

I am not asking you to hit women when you argue with them. I am not asking you to hit a woman to make you feel better. Those values should always be upheld to respect women and all beings.

I am asking you that the next time your participating in training or playing a sport with your team mate, man or woman, don't hold back. Run as fast as you would if you were running against a man. Spar against a woman like you would with a man. Kick the targets like you would kick with a man. Train hard with us, so we both can improve and excel.

Sincerely,

Nikita